I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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