I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
