I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the condom got lost in my hair
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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