dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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