Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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