im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
