oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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