I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
