Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
