I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
