man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize