He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
