You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
