My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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