clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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