my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
