she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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