Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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