the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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