he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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