made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
