Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
