Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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