i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
