I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
