I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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