upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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