I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
