i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize