I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what day is it and did you see me today?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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