I accidentally burped into my bong.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
A bitchslap is in order.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
