He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
