so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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