Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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