hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
