is your mom at the bar?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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