I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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