And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
