where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
