your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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