I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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