you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
