you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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