Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
