I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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