and my herpes radar will keep us safe
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
