Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
