i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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