i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
