sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
