You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
