found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
