toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
