is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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