I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
