saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
