when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
