the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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