He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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