when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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