the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize