why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
